Sunday, February 21, 2010

Believing I'm Flawed

Some more thoughts inspired by Gayle Haggard's "Why I Stayed." To catch up on the conversation click here and then here.

I think forgiveness begins with a knowledge that we are flawed in some way.

Let's look at Tiger since he's so recently put himself in the public's eye. Who forgives Tiger? Maybe other men who've cheated on their wives, maybe someone who's a sex addict, or a man who looks at porn, or a woman who's an alcoholic, or a mom whose son is addicted to cocaine, or a girl whose sister is anorexic. Charles Barkley is always quick to forgive. Why? Because he's screwed up time and again himself. Mel Gibson is also forgiving Tiger because we all know he's a mess.

VIDEO: Mel Gibson On Tiger Woods - "I Love The Guy" | RadarOnline.com

How can they all forgive? Because they know they have a bound will too. They know they are not alway free to choose what's good. Something inside them is sick or twisted and disables them from doing the good, right, and healthy thing.

I always wonder why Paris Hilton gets DUIs. Why is she driving in the first place? Come on! Get a driver! But she wants her freedom. She wants to do things her own way and it's twisted.

Let's think about divorce. Does anyone get married thinking they will someday walk away from their spouse? No. The intentions are good, pure, and full of love. The couple stands on the altar and confesses their love and commitment in front of friends, family, and God. Yet divorce happens. Cheating happens and it hurts a lot. There is a dark tide running beneath us all. A sickness that acts out in a variety of disgusting ways.

Or, how many women do you know who suffer a horrible self image. They think their ugly, fat, and undesirable when in fact they're the prettiest in the room. "If only I was a size 6....or 4...now 2." It'll never be good enough for her. There is a dark lie being whispered in her soul that she's not good enough, so she self destructs (by not eating, over drinking, cutting, etc). No "sane" person would choose these things yet she does them. Because she's not in control to see the good, do the good, or choose the good.

If we were in control of our druthers, we wouldn't do half the harmful or mean things we do.

We'd maybe even stop eating transfats and go jogging.

When we know we can't, we have compassion on others who can't.

In Gayle's situation, Ted repented. He hates how he cheated on Gayle. He crumbled and told Gayle to divorce him. He hated himself. And by divine inspiration, Gayle had compassion. Gayle recognized a fellow sinner, and had compassion because she knows that God has compassion on both Ted and herself. We love because He first loved us.

Gayle Haggard has come to a deeper understanding of herself and Grace in this process. And it's inspiring. She writes this:

"My son Marcus described me as a "saint" on Larry King Live, but I smile at this because I know I'm still a sinner, and I will be until I reach heaven. I've watched so many people in the process. I've seen the "righteous" not recognize their own sins, even to the point of denial. I don't want to be like that anymore. Those who don't recognize their own sins hurt others."

Gayle, I don't want to be like that either. I know all this in my head and I can write it on my blog, but I want to know it in my heart and act accordingly. I pray that I can.

2 comments:

Willa J. Photography said...

Thanks for your thoughts, Emily!What an inspiring woman Gayle is--she definitely possesses that vulnerability we've been talking about. I think I might go out and get her book tomorrow. You're a really lucid and gifted writer, by the way!

Paul, Lauren, Witt, and Nash said...

great post emily! thanks.

blessings,
lauren