Together

Eloise and her cousin love to play princess together, eat together, potty together, sleep together, laugh together, chase together.  You name it.  They like.  But only if it's together.

Raw(e)

It's flowers week at Sailor & Company.  

Here are the rules.  No editing.  None at all. 

Eloise and I grew this from seed.  We are so proud of ourselves.  (I'm patting my shoulders now.)  The sunflowers were beautiful until the deer ate them all.  Along with my tomatoes.  )-:

As Alex put it, I've just entered the century old war between man and nature.

Check out the other blooms at Sailor & Co.

The Storm

There was a storm in our room yesterday.  The lights went on and off and on again.  And there was thunder.  Very loud thunder.

So we had to hide.  Hurry!  Everyone jump on Mommy and Daddy's bed to hide.  All you imaginary friends, you better come too!

Because it's scary!

Take cover!

I'm really, really afraid!

Mom, why aren't you hiding?

Put the camera down and get in here.

Alright, alright.  I'll put the camera down.

Let's go, Cordelia.  It's time to hide from the storm.

The illusion of control

A very brave woman wrote an article in The Washington Post that came out today.  Front cover of the E section  She is brave because she has just opened herself up to a world of criticism.

Reading the article just now, my stomach began to feel queasy.  I physically reacted to the words she wrote but my mind has been slower to figure out why.

If I was an older woman, someone who struggle with infertility or singleness or just lost my baby at birth or had a miscarriage or suffered the shock of having a baby with a genetic disorder or just physically watched my son die of cancer, I would be crying right now.  And so, so angry!  (By the way, I know all these people and you know them too.)

"Our babies...on our schedule"is written by a 30 year old woman, husband is 32, who is just not ready to have children but she does want her own, healthy children some day.  So after some research, she has frozen 5 little embryos (her eggs, his sperm) for their future use.

Isn't life grand?

I wish it was so grand.  But it's not.  It is never this easy.  It is never this perfect.  We really don't have this much control.  And I'm afraid that the more tightly we think we can control ourselves (like spending about $16,000 to take out and freeze my eggs and my husband's sperm so that I can work for another 10 years and have my own healthy, happy babies...) the harder we'll fall.  Because perfect lives and ideas like this will come to an end, and then what?

Then where do we turn?

When I was newly pregnant with Eloise, Alex and I made a naive comment to my parents that we'd have a very relaxed baby because we pride ourselves in how "relaxed" we are.  (Ha! Which I'm not.  Did you read my Not Me Monday post?)  We were/are naive.  We had no idea what we were talking about.

My dad smiled and said, "You have no idea what you're going to get."

And he's absolutely right.  We didn't know if that baby would make it to birth, if she would have all her fingers and toes.  We don't know what's in store for her in this world.  Will she lead a long or short life?  Will she struggle with drugs or loneliness or self-image problems?  What will her happiest times be, and what will be her darkest hour?  She will have them.  I wish I could make every breath on this earth the best, but I can't.  Because it's a fallen world.  I can't.

I couldn't control her coming into this world and I can't control her exit.

I've been following this sweet boy from Colorado who bravely battled the cancer engulfing his body.  He impressed all the experts with his energy and enthusiasm for life.  He wasn't going to let cancer stop him from going to high school, fishing on his favorite lake, playing lacrosse, or go camping in his favorite woods.  And he fought hard.  At one point last week, he stopped breathing for about 1 minute.  His parents thought he was gone.  Then he bolted up and said, "He's not ready for me yet."  And walked outside to fish.

Then he died yesterday.  After outliving all the predictions, he breathed his last breath.  His parents didn't sign up for this.  No parent should ever have to go through so much pain.  And yet, I know if you asked them, they would do it all over again and again and again because they loved him so much.

Love trumps our worldly schedules.  Love trumps having enough money.  Love trumps the ups and downs, the disabilities, the imperfections.

And Love comes swooping in when we are at the end of our ropes.  That is when we cry "Lord, catch me.  I'm falling."

The ethics behind this author's quest of of "Preservation IVF" makes my mind swirl.  I'm all for science. Fertility treatments can be a beautiful thing.  I'm not against IVF or other scientific break-throughs.

But, I am afraid of the consequences of thinking we can control our lives and our children.  And I'm thankful that we have a God who cares for us no matter what happens.

See article here.

Not Me Monday

It's Not Me Monday again over at MckMama's.  We're letting loose and spilling our guts.  Telling all the things we didn't do this week.  Wink, wink.


So, in no particular order. . .

I did NOT give Eloise cereal for dinner last night.

I did NOT secretly like sending my husband off to a fireworks church event so that I could eat dinner on the couch in peace while watching the Discovery Health Channel.  Alone.  All by myself.

I did NOT throw a fit when we caught a deer eating ALL of my tomatoes.  Such an impressionable fit that Eloise has been marching around screaming "DON'T EAT MY TOMATOS! GET OUT OF HERE!!  ETC, ETC, ETC!"

I am NOT upset that Eloise throws a fit every time she gets on her bike.  I am NOT upset that her frustration and drama is ruining my plans.  And NOT feeling sorry for myself because I had this nice little plan in my mind that Eloise could ride her bike, I could push the stroller, and we could all get some exercising without whining and throwing a fit.  But now the bike is causing major drama and I know I'm doomed to a life of major drama no matter what and I'm NOT throwing a major pity party.  NOR am I scheming how to get her on that bike again instead of just giving it up.  Surely, I am much better adjusted than that.

And then after announcing to the whole family that I was grumpy because of the previously mentioned drama, I did NOT head straight to the kitchen for a brownie.

Finally, I conclude, my daughter did NOT inherit MY drama.

Did she?

Good Morning

A Prayer for our Nation

Almighty God, who hast given us this good land for our heritage: 

We humbly beseech Thee that we may always prove ourselves a people mindful 

of Thy favor and glad to do Thy will.  

Bless our land with honorable industry, sound learning, and pure manners.  

Save us from violence, discord, and confusion; 

from pride and arrogance, and from every evil way.  

Defend our liberties, and fashion into one united people 

the multitudes brought hither out of many kindreds and tongues.  

Endue with the spirit of wisdom those to whom in Thy name we entrust 

the authority of government, that there may be justice and peace at home, 

and that, through obedience to Thy law, 

we may show forth Thy praise among the nations of the earth.  

In the time of prosperity, fill our hearts with thankfulness, 

and in the day of trouble, suffer not our trust in Thee to fail; 

all which we ask through Jesus Christ our Lord.  

Amen.

(From the 1979 Book of Common Prayer, page 820.)

July 3rd from the Bay

Sunflowers in the morning

(Sunflowers at dusk.)

Change is coming

It's Friday night and we are plopped down in front of the Smithsonian Channel at 9:17pm.  Awesome, right!?  :-)  Alex has a red glass of wine.  I have my computer.  What more could I really want, right?

Some days I feel sad that I'm not out on the town on a Friday night, but on nights like tonight, there's no other place I'd rather be.  Because I'm whooped!

It's been a full day involving a new bike, lots of riding of the new bike, and a great night swimming with our friends.  Summer at its best, really.

And something monumental happened today.  Something that hasn't happened since the 7th grade, or probably before.  Because as I'm sure my sister will remind us (her memory is so much better than mine, and her mind even sharper.  In fact I thought I was hearing voices the other day.  I was getting really spooked because I really thought that this might be it.  I was officially losing my mind.  Until Alex noted that my neighbor who works from home had his window open.  He must have been on speaker phone and every once and a while the random voices would work their way into my house.  Phew!  Imaginary voices were explained.)

Anyway, as my sister will remind us, this wallet was her's to start with.  So who knows when the last time I bought a new wallet was.  Some time a long long time ago.

Today is my new dawn.

Here she is.

Goodbye, my oldie goldie.  You have loyally served me.  I will love you forever.

And my new dawn #2.

Cordelia is cruising.

Dear Cordelia, please stop this.  You are entirely too young for this behavior.  Thank you, Mom.

Raw(e)

So I've heard "once you go manual, you'll never go back."  But I've been afraid of shooting manually because how in the world do you get all the knobs in the right place in time to take the shot?  I'm just not that fast.  Seems too hard.

But I'm giving it a try this week. I'm practicing and practicing my knob moves and meter reads and we'll see how the week ends.

I've recently come across this cool blog, Sailor and Company.  I found her link from MckMama's.  She hosts a photo challenge each week of unedited photos.  I love that concept!

I'm all about life unedited, so why not be for photos unedited?  Well let me tell you, it is hard to post a photo unedited.  Can't I at least crop it?  Do something to spruce it up?  Nope!  And that's the point.  Come as you are.

So here's my first stab at it.  Raw(e).  Unedited.  (yikes!)

"Summer."  Shot Manually.  (double yikes!)

Notice the new page.

Do you see the new page I posted?  Just wanted to draw your attention to it.  And as a tribute to Alex's 4 years of being a priest/minister/pastor/reverend, whichever title you choose, I thought I'd post these.

Alex's seminary class.  All really cool people.  (Trinity School for Ministry in Ambridge Pennsylvania, 2006)

Alex being ordained in Denver, Colorado.  I'm putting the stole on him (while simultaneously carrying Eloise in my belly because I'm coordinated like that).

And all the awesome family and friends from our Vail, CO church.  So many made the trip from Vail (and Florida, California, Georgia, and Texas) to Denver that cold day.  They are hands down the most supportive group of people you'll ever meet.

Did you know, from start to finish, Alex's ordination process took 6 years.  Wow!

My Parents

Grandchildren #1, #2, #3,

# 4,

#5, and #6.

And 1 silly or annoyed or tired or how do you say . . . 1 son-in-law.

Aren't my parents lucky?

I Heart Faces

I heart elk faces this week!

It's animal week at I Heart Faces, and since I sadly have no pets at home, this dame from the Rocky Mountains will make a great stand-in.  We turned a corner on an early morning hike and bam! there she was.  I snapped a couple of shots very quickly and we tip-toed by her so not to disturb.

Self Timed Portraits

Today I decided to take a family photo using the self timer.  I thought I knew how to do it.

But I didn't and accidentally snapped this shot.

I dismissed my subjects while I found my manual and read up on how to really take a self timed photo.

I reassembled the team and shot this.

Yikes!  Hello, poor proportions!  I'm huge.  Cordelia is crying and Eloise looks weird. Hmm...have to rethink our posing.

Take 3, awful idea.  Alex's knees are getting way too much camera time is as is my profile.  Cordelia is pulling my hair, and Eloise is chasing a bug.  New pose needed.

Getting closer.  Looking better except for the fact that I'm tackling Eloise.  And let's lose that pacifier, what do you say?

Ahh, much better.  I'll take it, except I won't take that 3rd baby in the picture.  She's not mine.  Two is good for now!